DEALING WITH PEOPLE WHO HATE YOU OR INTENTIONALLY HURT YOU

Some months back, a friend of mine sought my advice about a colleague whom he felt hated him and he asked me how to deal with the situation which was on his hands. In my usual way, i put my thoughts down as they flowed. How that came o my mind, I don’t know but I wrote it. He appreciated my advice and guess what happened, recently, he sent them back to me! I was in some kind of similar situation. He asked me to ponder over my situation and see if my thoughtful advice then, worked for me in the circumstances i was in. I read through and i could not believe i had written this. 

  a)    Usually people who hate you do so because they envy you. Envy is a big challenge and can create positive or negative emotions. Those who get positive emotions use them to be like that person they envy. They excel and become better people. Those with negative emotions turn to hatred. They may hate you because you have excelled and they can't, because the public believes in you and not them, because you have something good that they can never get. It is interesting that even those who can be better than you in numerous aspects may turn to hatred.

  b)    hatred may arise from conditions where there is disagreement with somebody because this person has done something contrary to your expectation. Common things include breaking an agreement like failing to pay someone's money, failing to do something one agreed to do, a common one among men is taking somebody's girlfriend  or wife, stabbing somebody in the back, greed, weakness of heart, these are incidents which if one himself or herself has a weak heart will turn the issues into hatred.

  c)     It is true that not everybody will like you and for this reason. The Baganda have a saying “Ekumi telikywaawa omu.” In a group of ten people not all of them will dislike or hate you. (Very important lesson). Those who do not like you must find a justification even ordinarily it is not there. This justification may lead to hatred. 

  d)    There are many other situations, it may be siblings, workmates, interestingly even spouses can turn to this level’

How do you handle this? 

i)              The first and most important thing is to believe in God knowing that he knows it all, He is the protector and nothing will happen without his knowledge or sanction, knowing that he guides those whom He so wishes especially those that submit to His will. He is the final arbiter  he does not hate but created hatred for those with weak hearts especially those who cannot forgive. 

ii)            Keeping that in mind, in relationships with other people keeping yourself above pettiness and having a set of principles that govern your life is of utmost importance and a protection against hatred. 

iii)           The next thing is for you to have a free heart, to say to yourself that you will not intentionally do harm to other people, build it in yourself and pray to God that He gives it to you. 

iv)           Learning to forgive those that wrong you especially those that hate you and not having ill-feelings towards them. Of course the best is avoiding associating with them and praying about it to God.

v)             If you have to interact with them, having positive thoughts and talking about those things that link you together rather than puts you apart.

I must have sounded religious here. Those that have no belief in God have no sense of shame according to me and they are likely to perpetuate hatred.

To be continued....